Ok,where do I start with my tales of OCD My name is Kirstie and I am 20 years old. It was the start of 2002 when I started behaving "differently" shall we say. I started cleaning out things from the house such as general rubbish over a few weeks, then in the summer I hired a couple of skips and started cleaning out things I had kept as memories of my childhood, old books, games etc.
This is where the obsessive thoughts started. All I could think about was cleaning and getting every inch of my house, clean. I couldn't sit still for thoughts of cleaning I had to be constantly cleaning otherwise I would worry I had left something unclean. The worry was that it was left either unclean or if it had been like a old childhood momento if I didn't clean to find it then somebody else would find it. The thought of that intrusion of privacy or my private thoughts being exposed made me feel ill.
I continued on like this for a month or so where even if I was out with friends and an OCD thought crept into my mind no matter where I was I would have to go home and clean and check otherwise I would make myself ill with worrying. In july 2002, I knew there was something wrong and the way I was behaving was irrational I felt like I was going mad. One weekend everything just spiraled out of control where I hit rock bottom I was staying with a friend and I was making myself ill with worrying about the OCD thoughts and didn't want to go home because I knew it would start all over and become worse. I was at the point where I was flying across town just even to check I hadn't left anything personal in a cd case ( I never would have put anything personal in there anyway!!).
But still I felt that I wouldn't calm down until I checked, that weekend I didn't want to be here anymore and I thought of all the possible ways I could go about hurting myself without hurting anyone emotionally. This is when I knew I needed help. I could either keep living like that (and that's not a life living like that) or get help. My best friend was the only person that knew what was happening and arranged a doctors appointment for me, I went on the Monday morning and was treated for what I now know is Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder.
I was put on anti-depressants and referred to the community psychiatric nurse. The anti-depressants have been changed a few times over a year but then one was found that really worked well with me and banishes most of the obsessions. I also attended the CPN for 3 months which helped as it alternated my way of thinking and I know it is the OCD not me that made me act that way.
I know I will never be completely cured as I do check things still, but I have ways of taking control over the OCD and not the other way about. At least now I live and lead my own life, I can let other people do my washing and not have to dry all my clothes in my bedroom, I feel calm and fine about other members of my family doing that for me and I still clean but I don't do it obsessively!!!! I do feel I have had OCD as a child because I remember when I used to get stressed over silly things I would count or check things obsessively but it would always calm down and I never thought anything of it until I got like that a few years later in 2002.
I don't know if its genetic or hereditary as my older brother has Aspergers Syndrome and Tourrettes Syndrome and I just happen to have OCD which is on the same spectrum as those disorders. Who knows? But all I can do is take one day at a time I am now doing a university degree which I never thought I would have been able to cope with when the OCD was bad, but even when I do have bad spells I now know that I rule the OCD, not the other way about!!!! And I don't have to fly across town now either. OCD can get better and it will get to a point once you get help that you will be able to lead a full and happy life. I just tell myself it is the OCD and not me every time and I now believe that.
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