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When I was younger looking back I always had symptoms of OCD but they never got diagnosed until recently at the age of 21.
When I was younger I was obsessed with medical issues thinking I was dying and constantly crying to my parents telling them I thought I had some serious illness, I would go to the doctor and have blood tests because I was sure in my mind that I had the symptoms. My mum had to ban me from reading problem pages in magazines and I couldn't watch any hospital programme's because chances are by the end of the show I would have some illness from the show.
At 15 some very bad things happened involving bullying and being very badly attacked this totally turned my world upside down and everytime I felt depressed and down I always associated it with because of what happened to me.
At 21 I started getting intrusive thoughts, horrible ones involving people i loved that I couldn't share with anyone, there was one particular night I was being physically sick and couldn't calm myself down from the shaking, i remember thinking I had been possessed at one stage.The thoughts had just seemed to switch on after reading a newspaper article and book that disturbed me and just got more and more intense. I fought these thoughts for about 2 weeks when they became so intense during a band practice I ran out crying and realised I needed help and something was wrong that I couldn't solve alone.
After building up the confidence and confiding in my sister and going to see the doctor numerous times for help who put me on medication for depression, I came across OCD symptoms on the web and realised straight away that that was it... all the answers to so many questions to my current circumstances and my past.
Eventually it got diagnosed and I am currently coping ok and having therapy, however at times when I'm very stressed or something very emotional happens it tends to trigger it off severely. OCD does get in the way of my band and singing when it is very severe but I always have to keep telling myself that I will not let it get in the way of something I enjoy and have dreamed of since a young age!
Writing songs and conjuring up emotions in songs helps so much, it's a form of therapy for me and I love to get all of my shut up emotions down on paper. I do struggle with confidence issues at times when I am performing on stage and my OCD is severe but once I get up there I just get on with it and I love singing songs that really mean something to me, really hit an emotion like 'sometimes' does for many people I know.
I will always try and fight OCD and not let it get in the way of my dream of being a successful singer, it's terribly hard at times but what good comes from giving up? I think OCD-UK is a great supporter for people suffering with OCD and especially those who might not even know what's happening to them, like me before I knew I had ocd. That was a truly terrifying feeling and there are people out there going through that right now and finding this website is like a lifeline for people and the relief you feel when you realise others are going through the same feelings, thoughts and obsessions as you is a comfort as we can get through the bad times together and praise the good times together too.