Niamh - Disguised

"Hi, my name is Niamh and I’m 17 years old. I was diagnosed with OCD when I was 12. My OCD takes form in excessive hand washing and repeatedly checking plug sockets and door locks. When I started my recovery, I liked to visualise my OCD as a person. My poem shows the ways I saw her and how she made me feel. I’m really glad I can share my poem through OCDUK by being a young ambassador because hopefully I am able to help people going through a similar situation and to give others an insight into how it can impact people".

Disguised

by Niamh

When I was twelve:
She introduced herself as my protector,
my guardian angel, keeping herself close to me.
The feeling of safety was comforting at first.

After three years of anxiety,
after three years of torment,
someone told me her real name:

She was an author.
Creating constant fear,
generating a false reality for me to live in.

She was a thief.
Taking me away from my friends and family,
leaving me isolated,
depriving me of normal life.

She was a dictator.
Forcing me to conform to the rules and rituals,
wasting hours.

She was an artist.
Twisting my thoughts into abstract models that nobody understood,
weaving her way and finding her home in my mind.

Five years have passed,
aged seventeen.
Her presence is still loud.
She is still powerful.
But now sometimes her shouts are muffled.
Sometimes, I can be in control,
sometimes her cries are whispers.